I've lately been feeling a lot of stress and doubts as a developer, and I'm hoping I'm not the only one who gets these sort of feelings... Makes me think I'm a hack...I'm a fake...I'm not good enough...my development work is not good enough.
You certainly aren’t the only developer that experiences these emotions, in fact I’d say it’s par for the course for independent creatives, as Jake’s video illustrates. We’re all prone to imposter syndrome (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome) - some it afflicts harder than others. I’ve been in the industry for a couple of decades now, and I still experience these insecurities on a daily basis - in fact I've recently been going through a similar dip to you that I've just begun to surface from.
I’d wager that you’re currently stuck deep in the bowl of the Dunning-Kruger effect
- you’re aware of just how much work needs to be done in order to master this art of game development but undervaluing the competence that you’ve gained so far. Use this awareness to drive self-improvement and remember that the path to success can be trod with little steps as much as it can with giant leaps - it’s not a race, it’s a journey.
Sometimes I think my efforts to develop a game or keep going to push out a finished product or prototype isn't worth it.
This is something only you can decide. Ask yourself honestly what you hope to achieve - what counts as a win? Is it actually going to intrinsically reward you to complete the project or has it become a millstone around your neck where finishing it will merely be unsaddling yourself of a burden? Do you look forward to the next project or dread the onset of new set of self-inflicted tortures?
If your long-term objective is to become a commercially successful developer then every project completed will increase the chances of that happening, but be aware that this is high risk - the competition is fierce and few get rich. If, on the other hand, you develop because it satisfies your interests/passions (for me, game development scratches too many creative itches to drop it, regardless of my success - or lack thereof!) then maybe you need to reevaluate your goals and focus more upon the process than the end product. This may mean stepping back from full projects for a while and learning some new skills or doing some experimenting with features of the platform that you haven’t explored.
Having people part of my small development community (whether on Discord or elsewhere), ones who came because of my development work, having them leave...it kind of stresses me out. Having people leave my patreon (which primarily exists for my programming endeavors) gives me the same anxieties.
Followers in your communities will come and go - that’s something that needs to be accepted. It can be incredibly demoralizing when there is an exodus, but in your case it seems like you know at least some of the reasons why this is happening, which gives you the opportunity to rectify the situation. I guess my advice would be, “Confess! Confess!†Be honest with your community, strike a new deal that’s more realistic (if that’s an option) and most importantly keep communicating even if you have little to show, or the news is less than positive. People don’t like being kept in the dark. More followers may leave but at least you’ll be regaining control of the situation. The world doesn’t end.
I could make the excuses that my sleep habits or laziness makes development more difficult but I don't want to do that, as true as it is.
If it’s true then accept that these are issues affecting both your mental state and performance and ask what can be done to change them. Remember that you’re not set in stone, you’re a malleable being that has the potential to improve your situation and modify your behaviour. Treat them as bugs to be fixed and try out different solutions until you find something that works. Easier said than done, I know - habits are hard to break, but are often best beaten through incremental change; lasting solutions rarely take hold overnight.
At its worst laziness can be masking depression (and if you feel that might be the case then it's always worth seeking some professional help) but often it is an avoidance tactic. I try to overcome this with productive procrastination: I recognise that I’m being lazy in order to delay dealing with a seemingly insurmountable task, then I consider all the other associated tasks I could do instead that would be still productive and make the mountain ahead less of an ordeal - could I build a few art or audio assets? Maybe organise my file system? Write a bit of narrative or simplify some code? I chip away around the big task and often in doing so it seems less of a hurdle, plus it gives me time to reflect on new approaches. Doing 50% of your intended work is always better than doing 0%.
Being a solo developer can be a demoralising experience, especially if you spend a lot of time by yourself, caught up in the whirlpool of your own thoughts. You’re doing the right thing in reaching out. As others here have said, make time to get out and socialise - chatting to friends and family can help put things in perspective and recharge the batteries.
Hope that helps! <img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile">