In case this helps anyone, I did find a solution to this issue.
If you select the object in the layout where the size is set the way you want it...
then COPY those size values...
then switch to a layout or event sheet where there is no instance of that object loaded...
then click the object in the projects bar...
it should show no numbers in the size attribute if the size varies throughout the project...
then PASTE the size values you want in there...
now it should have the proper size values throughout the entire project
for some reason I had to paste and hit enter a few times for it to take...
but I think that's only because the program was taking some time to think...
since there were about 80 instances of the object to apply that size too
hope that helps
I still don't know how to determine exactly which instance of an object it chooses when you spawn an object with an event... but this is at least a way to deal with the issue