Should I really be having 5000 to 7000 collision checks per second, in a relatively simple Platformer?
<img src="http://imageshack.com/a/img824/986/4kqx.png" border="0" />
That number is collision checks per second, and there are many ticks per second. The checks per tick are ~140 and that's a perfectly fine number.
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Ugh, brain fart. Thank you for pointing out the obvious. I was thinking 7000 a tick haha.