Good job on not giving up - well done. We all were new to C2 or to programming in general and we also had not much more than manuals.
When I was starting my programming adventure, there was no Internet in my country at all, so all we had that time was an old book and a strong will to do something creative.
Nowadays everything is extremely easy to learn (if you really want to learn) thanks to Internet. I suggest you to start with some basic knowledge of programming. That would really help you a lot.
It is not true that you are not a programmer because you do games in C2. What you do in event sheets is actually programming. You do not code it character by character as "traditional" programming requires, but setting all events logic in event sheet is a programming actually. All regular programming languages uses "if" statements, variables, constants, functions, loops etc. this is all part of programming.
At the beginning programmers had to operate on bits (0/1), later Assembler came in, which was already a language where you could write instructions to your CPU, later developers were happy to have human readable programming languages like C, JAVA, PHP etc.... C2 is just a next virtualisation of the same thing - programming.
Good Luck!