It literally just won't let me set any values, help.
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You need to have an instance that is active and accessible on your layout to be able to edit the instance values for it. Make sure you have an instance on the layout, and you have that instance selected. It can't be on a locked layer.
Or you can right-click the object name and choose "Select all in project". This will select all instances on all layouts, if you want to change all of them at once.