In all honesty, not the right place here to find java programmers.
Suggestions:
First, learn that Java language: just do it, it is a real world skill, with heaps of opportunity. Don't do yourself short. Learn it, become a good developer. Get a high paid job in that sector .... And eventually, make that bloody game when you think your skills can handle it. I don't know your mother, but something tells me she'll be looking at you with a smile on her face your whole journey.
Or ...
Stop it. Stop beating yourself up over it. Struggling, haggling, husseling, just to keep some faint disillusion of wanting to achieve something that lost its entire purpose. I am sure your mother would not have wanted that for you.
Quite the contrast aye.... but it comes down to making the tough choices, and standing behind them.
Either step up and do the things you really desire to achieve, or leave the past dreams in the past ... or they will haunt you relentlessly.
Those who persevere, will never know defeat.