Everyone knows Mr. Periwinkle is cool as f**k. But who knows what he’s thinking? Who knows why he crushes turtles? And why do we think about him as fondly as we think of the mythical (nonexistent?) Dr Pepper? Perchance I believe it was Kant who said “Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play.” Mr. Periwinkle exhibits experience by crushing turts all day, but he exhibits theory by stating “Prepare to get winkled!” Keep it up, baby! When Mr. Periwinkle leaves his place of safety to stomp a turty, he knows that he may die. And yet, for a man who can purchase lives with money, a life becomes a mere store of value. A tax that can be paid for, much as a rich man feels any law with a fine is a price. We think of Mr. Periwinkle as a hero, but he is simply a one percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind. Perchance.